Month: April 2018
Hoops and Health
Just as I think I’ve changed my name everywhere, something else pops up. So many hoops to jump through and I can’t wait to be finally done… well, as done as I can be. I finally went and got a haircut so I could get a picture for my new passport, and when I get that, I can update my Nexus card. Next, up is getting documents certified so I can get a replacement university diploma. And go back to the pharmacy, again, because my name change just won’t go through.
I finally got all my papers together for the GRS clinic. I’m really looking forward to top surgery.
Like I’ve mentioned before, the latest MRI scans of my knees show moderate-to-severe osteoarthritis with floating bone fragments (my knees are messed up from a combo of running and genetics) but my doc is confident that I don’t need surgery on them just yet—I’m getting cortisone shots to keep down the swelling, and I’d like to try using CBD oil. I was worried I would have to put off top surgery because of knee surgery, so I’m glad my knees will “keep” for a while. The weight loss helps. However, I’ve found that being on testosterone sort of screws a little bit with tendons/muscle growth and ratio so I have to be extra careful. Needless to say, my weightlifting regime is still very light.
Brief update
Well, that went well.
While my name/gender change was not addressed in any overt fashion, as we were discussing our Cuba vacation, my mother suggested I try Puerto Vallarta one of these days because it is “so LGBT friendly!”
Huh. I’m… impressed. Then we talked about house renovations.
(My uncle and aunt stopped by outside to say hi and my uncle waved eagerly and said “Hi Max!” twice, as if to make sure I’d heard him. He’s so cute.)
Life almost always manages to throw me a rainbow whenever I’m fearing the worst.
Every day gets a little brighter
(Both literally and metaphorically… yay spring!)
I’m still losing an average of two days a week, work-wise, because my motivation remains in the toilet… however, those days are no longer spent in bed or in a slump on the couch. I’m getting things done, little by little, making sure not to overspend my “spoons”. The separation anxiety I feel every time kiddo is gone overnight is lessening… but that’s making way for anger. This would be a whole lot easier and I’d “recover” faster if this was either a “normal” split up or no kids were involved. Instead I spend half the week hiding how hard this is for me (though, honestly, kiddo is such a pleasure to be around that life is easier overall) only to need a few days to recuperate and deal with all this anger and pain. I can’t show kiddo how I feel. I don’t want to plant the fear in her head that coming out leads to abandonment. Not while she’s this young. Later, we’ll talk about it… but right now her circle of influence is so small, and I know firsthand how those fears can stick and grow over time.
It’ll get better. It always does.
I got the ball rolling on top surgery. Still need to run to the pharmacy for the list of all the medicines I’m currently taking (ventolin, delatestryl, and something topical for acne?) but I’ve sent in all the other stuff and jumped through all the hoops.
I hope.
I’m excited. I’ve already had reduction surgery years and years ago so I know what to expect. I honestly can’t wait. The first time I had the ladies (mostly) off was a wonderful thing. I already have a chest piece planned.
Today is the first day I’ll see my folks since I made the announcement of my gender switcharoo. I have no idea what they think because we don’t talk about anything. I was hoping to get a haircut this morning but my two places are closed. Ah well. They’re used to seeing me in a baseball cap 80% of the time anyway.
Heh, but the big question: do I shave?