Transition

Dysphoria

by
Wall Skull

Exactly this except for one part. I’ve been researching transitioning since before the internet, waaay back when I came across something in a medical journal/book about sex reassignment surgery. Even after the internet gave me more info, the surgery/hormones just seemed so imperfect that it was the motivation for me to try to live with the body I was given. I’d never have a fully functioning cock. I’d never be 5’10 (which is how tall my mind thinks I am). I’d never be able to have XY chromosomes. I’d always be in the wrong body, die in the wrong body, be buried in the wrong body.

Like the OP, pregnancy and the time after—eight months of nursing my kiddo—made me feel the most aligned with my body I ever have. I could hack it. Had I finally beat the dysphoria? But no… it was just the hormones. The minute those petered out, the dysphoria came back with a vengeance, and I knew it was time to stop fighting it. My female body had served its purpose to have a kid, and now I was free…

…but not really. It’s been years now, and I’ve only told a handful of people. I have the green light for sexual confirmation surgery… but still, I stall. I feel I will lose my extended family. I’ve already lost my partner because he isn’t gay and isn’t interested in trying to make it work. But that’s fine – we remain friends. My kid is so proud that she and I are “girls” that every time I try to start the conversation about who I really am, I chicken out because I don’t want to disappoint her.

It’ll work out. I know it will. I just have to stay the course.

 

 

 

The Invisible Boy

by
Crying Boy

Once upon a time, there was an invisible boy. For a long time, he didn’t even realize he was invisible because he was only a baby, and babies don’t know much. His little brother was a boy too, and they loved playing Star Wars and Indian Chief and Walk on the Ceiling together. Then, one day, he noticed that everyone saw a boy when they looked at his brother, but they saw a girl when they looked at him.

Why couldn’t they see him?

He tried to tell his mom that he was there, but she couldn’t see him.

He tried to tell his dad that he was there, but he couldn’t see him either.

Then he tried to tell his grandmother, his friends at school, and his teachers, but everyone saw a girl when they looked at him.

That’s when he realized he was an invisible boy.

“You have to wear dresses.”
“Girls don’t do karate. They do ballet.”
“You have to skate like a girl!”
“No baseball! Take jazz dance instead.”
“Stop acting like a boy.”
“I don’t care that you wanted a Transformer for Xmas. This doll is just as nice!”
“You’re not a boy.” “Yes, I am.” “No, you’re not.”
“You’re not a boy.”
“You’re not a boy.”
“You’re not a boy.”
“You’re not a boy………….”

By the time the invisible boy was seven years old, he was very tired of trying so hard to be seen. So, he looked at himself in the mirror for a long time, thinking.

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll pretend to be a girl, but the joke is on them because I’m really a boy… and maybe, just maybe, one day, someone will see me for who I am and, I won’t have to be invisible anymore.”

Years and years went by, and sometimes people did see glimpses of the invisible boy hidden inside the girl shape, but some of them got angry at him, and some of them were confused and said it was impossible. Still, no one really saw the invisible boy, even though he was there, right in front of them.

A funny thing happened: he started seeing others who had been invisible when they were children but who weren’t anymore. There were glamorous women who were once mistaken for boys and dashing men who had been hidden inside girls and all sorts of wonderful variations in between.

So, the invisible boy looked at himself in the mirror for a long time, thinking again.

“Fuck it,” he said. “It hurts too much to continue pretending I’m a girl, and I don’t need someone else to see me for who I am to make me visible… I just need to be myself, and I won’t be invisible anymore.”