(Both literally and metaphorically… yay spring!)
I’m still losing an average of two days a week, work-wise, because my motivation remains in the toilet… however, those days are no longer spent in bed or in a slump on the couch. I’m getting things done, little by little, making sure not to overspend my “spoons”. The separation anxiety I feel every time kiddo is gone overnight is lessening… but that’s making way for anger. This would be a whole lot easier and I’d “recover” faster if this was either a “normal” split up or no kids were involved. Instead I spend half the week hiding how hard this is for me (though, honestly, kiddo is such a pleasure to be around that life is easier overall) only to need a few days to recuperate and deal with all this anger and pain. I can’t show kiddo how I feel. I don’t want to plant the fear in her head that coming out leads to abandonment. Not while she’s this young. Later, we’ll talk about it… but right now her circle of influence is so small, and I know firsthand how those fears can stick and grow over time.
It’ll get better. It always does.
I got the ball rolling on top surgery. Still need to run to the pharmacy for the list of all the medicines I’m currently taking (ventolin, delatestryl, and something topical for acne?) but I’ve sent in all the other stuff and jumped through all the hoops.
I hope.
I’m excited. I’ve already had reduction surgery years and years ago so I know what to expect. I honestly can’t wait. The first time I had the ladies (mostly) off was a wonderful thing. I already have a chest piece planned.
Today is the first day I’ll see my folks since I made the announcement of my gender switcharoo. I have no idea what they think because we don’t talk about anything. I was hoping to get a haircut this morning but my two places are closed. Ah well. They’re used to seeing me in a baseball cap 80% of the time anyway.
Heh, but the big question: do I shave?